Justine Musks tweet and a dance class, drove me to write this…weird I know…yes and that's how I do my research, ground level and up, through my eyes I analyze and conclude…
And no, Justine Musk was not in my dance class and no, she did not take my place on the studio floor that was someone else. The ”nice me” would let it go, and the other ”feisty me” wanted to get my elbow out and give her a shove, but that would be classless and a wimps way out – getting your elbows out as projecteve.com so rightly says is not the answer. What I needed to do is powerfully claim my space back, so I did just that, it was the first time I have ever claimed my space back and it shall not be the last, in fact next time there shall be no space where I should be, as I will already be in it!
I spent my whole life being, ”nice”, it got me NO-WHERE
Nice allows you to be liked and I always wanted to be liked. I am truly a people pleaser, so being nice allowed me to achieve the results I so desired, until I realized all it really did was leave me angry and frustrated at myself. Nice would spill into everywhere, my personal life, family life, work life….everywhere you look there it was the ”nice girl”…
It doesn't work, it is an untrue existence under the intoxicating influence of a phenomena called ‘nice'
Then I tried not being nice, it came off as cold and rude
Let me make it clear, not being nice does not make you bad, not being nice makes you not being nice. However, you can still be kind, loving and respectful to all.
Trust me, everyone likes the nice girl, but when they want the truth they won't come to you to get it.
Then I tried being myself – BINGO!
The opportunity GAIN of NOT being nice: my special number 11
1) You can stop being a fake and stop using ”niceness” to manipulate people around you. Your popularity may decrease in the short term, BUT not being nice long term, will be far more fruitful. Being yourself, with a dose of kind honesty can create waves where people don't want waves, watch this space, a few bystanders will fall by the way side, but the people that really matter will still be there through the voyage through the storms & stronger than ever for you.
2) You re-discover your inner power. It takes true strength of mind to stop the old habits and begin with a new integrity filled, improved model of your original self. It will start a transformation within you, once you get a sniff of success without always being nice, it will escalate and get out of control. Go on I challenge you, get out of control
3) You feel the impact of a new energy source and it didn't come from an electrical socket or an extra shot in your dairy, soy, sugar free iced chai latte, it came from you! The energy expended on being ”nice” is E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G ….stooooooooooooppppppp
4) Your family may think ”the woman has lost her marbles” it's true. I encourage you, loose your marbles people, life is so much more fun without everything in systematic autopilot mode. You may appear to them, ”different”, ”lacking humor” and even ”angry” and whilst they think you may be trying to reclaim your marbles you are in actual fact just reclaiming the you that you always were, before you learnt to be nice.
5) You get to use the word NO. When you are nice, you have to be consistently nice and then people depend on your niceness. They are comforted by your perceived personal inadequacies that have you be nice and your desire to be liked by being ….nice! NOW you get to tell it like it is….yup!
Wouldn't that be a novel idea?
Wouldn't that be ”nice” haha!
6) You get to push forward and for fear of over using this word (sorry) – ‘lean in' – you can go get the career advancement & recognition you so desire. Being nice will only have you be somewhere you don't want to be, that never works and the career prospects will be dull and rather un-eventful …..don't have a blaaaaaaa work life make an impact in this world
7) It will improve your social media skills. Social media is your personal live opinion line to the world – it is your opportunity to be heard and yet for fear of over stepping boundaries or not appearing to be proper, places us right in the middle of ”being nice”….playing nice holds us back and it is a tricky balancing act when you try to be bold and nice at the same time. Being nice is like putting a cork on a bottle of fizzy pop, so much exuberant energy waiting to explode, and explode you will
8) SEX – yes I said it, SEX. Imagine asking for you want? Imagine not pretending you got to that magic place & stopped being nice about the experience. Imagine that? You can tell the truth with love and respect and actually really get to that magic place by asking for what you need to make the journey more frequent and more impactful, the experience will be so much ”nicer” lol sorry couldn't resist…but BUT ….imagine really getting there, if you're honest and not nice you can ask for what you want….I personally draw the line at 3-somes maybe you don't?!
I always like to talk about sex and death
9) ….and on your tomb stone or in the obituary will be written…..Ms bla bla, she was a great friend, daughter, partner, sibling, mother, she was so ….wait for it….”nice”…..UGH…I cannot imagine anything worse…..”you are such a ‘nice' person” UGH UGH UGH
10) If you are your true authentic self you get to teach your kids that too – wouldn't that be great? A whole new generation of kids growing into adults all going about their daily mayhem being kind, real and honest?!
Just as much as I like talk of sex, death and telling the truth I also like the number 11 so my final point to: The opportunity GAIN of NOT being nice is…..drum roll…..
11) You get to be truly horrid and no one, I repeat, no one will say that you are so ”nice” except that is for the nice person trying to be nice…
I am a Personal fashion stylist, Nutritionist, Speaker, Writer, personal shopper volunteer at Dress for Success. My Focus:Have women create their own brand, voice, style & confidence.