It is the darkest and the most terrifying place where you lost yourself and any self control is robbed from you. Your demons dragged you to hell. They mock you and playing with your body and soul as a marionette. You’re walking barefoot in hell here on earth. There is no need to die and to be judged to enter hell. Your demons hold your arms and whisper in your ears. The almost lifeless body of yours is in automatic mode. In hell the emotional pain is deeper and excruciating. It cuts your soul and breaks your heart. It bends you to your knees and there, right there if you are not able to stand and run away, you will be found, lifeless.
Since I learned about your death Robin Williams, I haven’t been able to stop crying. About three weeks ago, I read an article about, “Celebrities who Battle Depression.” It startled me that you, the funniest guy on earth, my favorite actor, a man who pursued his dreams was affected by that horrific illness. It made me admire you even more. It made me see you more as a human. Yesterday, I learned you killed yourself. My heart exploded in pain and I was in total shock. I wanted to run faster than I ever had and turn the clock back to the moments before your death. I wanted to hug you so tight that I would leave bruises on your body and help you fight your demons. Fight them with all our love for life, with the last drop of hope, with our anger towards depression. I wouldn’t have let you go until the sun shone again outside and inside your heart. Only then, I would trust your mind and I know we both would have celebrated having another chance to live, because you as everyone who had committed suicide loved life.
The police report says you woke up in the middle of the night and went to a different room where you used your belt to hang yourself. I can’t even type. I know you were enduring the worst agonizing pain. It hurts me! It makes me furious! I wish I could have looked at your blue eyes and tell you, “it will be okay, the dark cloud will move away soon and you will feel the sun.” Misery loves company so she dragged you in the middle of the night, kissed your mouth and poisoned your mind and clouded it. What misery didn’t know was that great people are never destined to be in the dark forever. That’s why you are free. Hell is not burning your feet anymore. There is only light and laughter. Your demons are gone.
I see you even more as a human than I did before.
Thank you for fighting the battle for so long.
Genie, I am…I am gonna miss you.
If there is a heaven, you sure are there
or even in a better place.
Ask for help! Please, when you feel your are falling into that abyss run and yell, “help.”
Depression is as real as it is cancer. Depression is not a choice. Committing suicide is not a choice but there is help, please ask for help.
Dedicated to every person lost to depression. I love each of you.
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