My truth today is that I am not quite pleased with myself. I slipped miserably yesterday and repented for it all night. There is truly no defense of my actions but there was causation for my words (they were not profane, just angry and wild). The day started out as usual but ended with a bang!
Usually I try not to get too involved in things that really don’t move me because to me that is a lot of wasted energy but I felt that my small contribution and my calm energy might have kept things under control. I was working with some highly charged people and I was trying to be the voice of reason; well all of that went out of the window when I was demeaned and disrespected.
In the light of all of the recent events in the world, especially in America, everyone has to be careful of their treatment and respect of one another. We all have to seek to listen first then be heard, not to put up defenses and attack but to come together to create a common good. I felt yesterday was an attack! I was supposed to meet with a group to discuss some concerns and was immediately disrespected and dismissed although the meeting had been scheduled for weeks and I was invited.
Now what angered me most was not the fact that I was not able to voice my one concern but that the group would not face the parents. I was not on the defense when I entered the room but promptly became very defensive as the conversation continued. I left in a huff! Then when I returned to ask a question the very people I was supposed to meet with had been hiding not wanting to face me. I lost it. Not my finest hour.
Definitely not letting my light so shine.
Certainly not getting an apology.
Surely leaving the wrong impression.
But at the time I didn’t care. Later on I regretted it because I feel like this is just what they wanted, something to talk about. I also felt like the worst was brought out in me. My goal wasn't to attack but to understand.
Although I a thoroughly disgusted with myself for acting like I did, I am reminded of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Sometimes you just have to stand up for what is right. And that is not always going to be pretty, fun, or easy.
I live in a very diverse population that is becoming more so each year. We have to learn how to handle conflict in a peaceful and professional manner. We cannot be afraid to face someone because we have differing opinions or views. We have to become more open to hearing criticism in the light of our actions and adjust our behavior or defend our position. We have to teach our children that we are not always right nor do we get it right all the time but are a work in progress. We have to respect each other.
And with that I am done.
In the meantime…
Keep Walking in Faith!
- I’ll keep you posted.