Steps to Finding Forgiveness and Self Love
1. Shedding the layers to the real problem is a greater start than reacting or retaliating to the anger.
Obstacles to Forgiveness are misunderstanding the following.Anger is a secondary emotion. When someone acts in anger, it is usually a reaction to another problem. That problem is not your responsibility to fix, and it does not mean that accountability can be forgotten. Accountability is maturity. However, empathy with accountability will change the entitlement.
2. Focus on yourself. Forgiveness is also not about the other. It is about the self and self love. It is about letting go.
Realizing there is nothing to fix, nothing to solve and no takeaways. It is complete surrender and acceptance. This happened to me by this person. If that person is not willing to take responsibility, you must accept it.
3. Acceptance of what you can control.
Accept when someone is unwilling to communicate effectively the first time. If you are in a relationship where confrontation and communication is impossible for solving problems, it is time to leave that relationship.
Separating emotion from thought. Act in a mature manner or the right way even if your emotions do not match. You may have a context where there is good intent and poor execution. In such a context, differentiation is appropriate. You may show acceptance of differences, gratitude at the attempt and reassurance as well as validation of the other person.
5. Your emotion matter and deserve validation.
The most important part is to not INTERNALIZE or REPRESS emotion. When someone pours salt on a wound, you have to be able to recognize that you do deserve compassion and you do deserve peace. Your emotions matter. Whether or not they matter to someone else is reflection of that person’s character not your worth.
6. Hate is not productive.
Heartbreak can at times have a crack which lets a light come through. That light is forgiveness. Forgiveness is never too late. And it is never impossible. It does not mean you accept the action or the perpetrator. It means you let go hate. Hate is not productive.
7. You are responsible for your wellbeing.
You instinctually want to keep someone responsible for your wellbeing, but here’s the truth: no one is responsible for your wellbeing but you. To put that responsibility in someone’s hands is not ensuring that there is a righting of wrongs. A person may not be willing to have that conversation. Put that responsibility into your own hands, and you will see the light.
Here are some inspirational forgiveness quote:
“For a long moment, we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then. But even so, I realized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5, ‘…because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us.” – Corrie Ten Boom, former Nazi concentration camp prisoner
“Emotions follow actions. To change your emotions, change your actions.” – Edwin Louis Cole
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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