We British have evolved into a terribly awkward species. The proof is in our relentless need to say ‘sorry’. We must apologise continuously for the very fact that we exist. Estimates claim the average Brit will say ‘sorry’ 233,600 times in a lifetime!
In true British spirit, here’s how to avoid the awkwardness which inevitably results from any social interaction.
Asking a stranger for directions in the street. You sort of know where you’re going, but you’re in a rush so you decide to ask a kind stranger for help. Ah, this old man sitting on a bench will do fine, he looks like a local too. He proceeds to tell you the way, pointing left and right, and you keep nodding and smiling as you realise he is telling you completely the wrong directions, sending you on the mother of all detours. Now you have to walk happily off in the wrong direction, thanking him profusely for adding on a good 10 minutes to your journey.
Solution: Google Maps
Aura of innocence shattered. There are some nights out that no one needs to know about except those who were involved, are best not spoken of, and of which the only evidence remains safely hidden away on your phone. Or so you thought. But then you walk into the room and Grandma is merrily scrolling through your photos. You didn’t think she was capable of getting past your lock screen, but how wrong you were. How are you going to explain that one?
Solution: My Secret Folder: password protect those precious files.
The one you didn’t want Grandma to see
Eye contact on public transport. Laws prohibiting eye contact on the London underground are in early stages of development. In the meantime one must endeavour to look thoroughly occupied and focus one’s eyes intensely on one’s phone for the duration of the journey. Mobile games are our silent saviours in this situation, and luckily, there are plenty to choose from.
Solution: Tetris Blitz or your addiction of choice.
Calling people when you’re drunk. However many times you convince yourself that you won’t do something, once you’re a few pints down the world seems to turn into a completely different place. Suddenly, it’s crystal clear that the friend you haven’t talked to in three years won’t mind one bit if you call him up at 2am to ask what’s the name of that song you both used to love. In fact, he’s probably been eagerly awaiting the call.
Solution: Drunk Mode: Why don’t you just go ahead and block all of your contacts for the next 12 hours.
Paying at restaurants. Panic sets in. Eyes dart furtively from side to side. The bill has been set upon the table, and the paper curls up like your toes curling in anticipation. This could have been avoided. You could have agreed on splitting the bill beforehand. But in your decadent haste to enjoy yourself, you forgot. Now what?
Solution: BillPin: Split the bill and forget about it until later when you can hide behind a digital interface.
Thank God for technology.
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