When the book 50 Shades of Grey came out I made a conscious decision not to read it. The book was described to me in terms of a young woman who falls under the spell of an older man. She makes it her mission to change the man. I’m not judging the book or those who read it. Like I said, I’ve never read it so I don’t have much of an opinion on it. My decision was predicated on the idea that a woman, or anybody for that matter, would subjugate themselves with the desired purpose of changing somebody else.
I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve never entered into a relationship with the idea that I could change somebody. Does that mean that everybody I come in contact with is perfect? Of course not. It means that their quirks, idiosyncrasies, or imperfections are overshadowed by what I love about them. I find, more often than not, that it is I who change (for the better) when I deal with some of those imperfections in a positive way.
Here’s a parenting example: my children are as different as night and day. They are both incredible but required completely different ways of parenting. One was pretty calm and followed all of the rules. One was a little more stubborn and liked to do things differently. For the first couple of years I tried to parent them in the same way. Not some of my finest moments, but I yelled a a lot when my kiddos were little. One would do exactly what I wanted when I yelled. One would yell back and do what he wanted. Nine times out of ten, the situation would escalate and we would both end up in our rooms (yes I gave us both time-outs). I finally came to the realization that I was never going to control the situation, only manage it. I figured out that it wasn’t my son who needed to change, it was me. I needed to take a step back, not yell, and by extension, not make the situation worse. Guess what? It worked.
We can all change a situation. We observe, assess, and ultimately act. People are a little trickier. More often than not, we are the ones who change, hopefully for the better. Maybe we learn to be more tolerant or patient. Maybe we learn that we can’t get over the quirks, idiosyncrasies, or imperfections. Maybe these things are way beyond our expertise and we have to separate ourselves from that person.
I’ve heard people who have read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy say that by the third book Anastasia Steele (really?) figures out what makes Christian Grey the way he is and he ends up being a good guy. I’m not sure that happened. As I said, I have no plans to read it. Besides, I think the fact that it takes three books to obtain a resolution is way too long.
Happy Fix is about doing things that improve our situations in life. It’s about making conscious decisions to make the world inside of us and around us better. It’s about changing ourselves for the better, not trying to make substantive changes to those around us. I hope you are all surrounded with good people who help you change your world for the better. Maybe you’ll rub off on each other and collect us some moreHappbassadors! Let that be your Happy Fix today.
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