“Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.” Francois de la Rouchefoucauld
As every Sophisticate knows, chemistry should come before having a connection with someone. If it’s the right someone, that connection could turn into love. Unfortunately, some people confuse having chemistry with having a connection.
Chemistry is showing affection; A connection is developing an attachment
Chemistry between two people is something that is important for any relationship to begin. Chemistry is automatic and unexpected. The difference between having chemistry and having a connection is that a connection develops over time and is about understanding.
A Sophisticate takes the time to understand who she is because that is essential before she could have a connection with another person. How does a Sophisticate know for sure when she has a connection with someone? When no explanations are necessary. When another person understands who she is and she understands who they are, how they work together, why they work so well together, their similarities and differences.
“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.” Thomas Fuller
When you are attracted to someone it because they may have something that interests you, something that may be different from you. Having a connection with someone means that you have gotten to understand those differences. When you are in love with someone you can live with those differences and more importantly their faults.
Some people believe that if you can sit in a room with someone else and not have to speak then there is a connection. That is incorrect. A connection is when silence is impossible because you can’t stop talking even when you believe everything has been said.
Chemistry is attraction; A connections is trust
“Separation is an illusion” from the movie ‘Cloud Atlas’ (2012)
Chemistry is when you have an attraction to someone (Sophisticated Love Lesson #9: Having an Attraction vs. Being Attracted). A connection is something shared with someone. A connection is not defined by comfortable silence, it is about separation. Can you go a week without seeing or even talking to each other? If you can it’s because you have a connection.
It’s not silence, it’s separation that doesn’t exist.
A connection doesn’t transcend words it transcends distance. When you are separated there is no fear that your feelings are going to change. To have a connection a Sophisticate is self-assured and she feels a freedom that you don’t need to always be with that person (A Sophisticate is ‘Miss Independent’). There is sense of trust (Sophisticated Love Rule #3: Best Friends)
With a connection a Sophisticate feels free (All a Sophisticate Wants (In Love)). A Sophisticate can be free to live her life and does. There is no fear or worry being apart from the other person.
Chemistry makes you want to be closer and be affectionate
A connection allows you to be at a distance and makes you want to be closer
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” William Shakespeare
When you miss someone you have a connection with, there is you pain like a hunger or a thirst that only the other person can quell. Like hunger or thirst it rises and falls like the tide. All a Sophisticate can do is wait until she can be with the other person and the pain ends. (A Sophisticate finds her Soulmate)
How do you know the person you were meant to be with is that person you will be sitting on the porch swing with as the world goes by? What a Sophisticate can go on for several hours with the other person about seemingly minor topics.