What comes to your mind if I ask you the question, “Do you deserve good things?”
For many of us, the answer YES happens at the same time the itty-bitty-shitty-committee shows up saying “did you really work hard enough?” “So, you think you’ve earned this, huh?” Or the insidious, “what makes you think your worthy of this?”
You can have a subconscious belief that constantly undermines you by thinking; to be deserving means I need to earn it. And if your self-image has challenges, you may even feel that the effort you put out should be higher than the rewards for you to “deserve it”.
This was instilled in you at an early age. For good reason, too…valuing what you created. Your caregivers wanted you to set goals you-deserve-it-and then be motivated to go get them. Respect for others, respect for your possessions, habits of self-discipline (shown as good grades), etc. They wanted you to place a value on what you received and not take it for granted. This is usually done by working for your accomplishments.
You can take this deserving to an extreme though. You can feel that everything in your life must be worked for, should be earned the hard way, so you overcompensate. Yet, when you participate in these thoughts you are limiting the abundance and prosperity that life holds for you, and you wear yourself out in the process. Do you have to deserve that ideal sunset? Do you have to earn that sweet summer’s day? What must you do to be worthy of a child’s smile, to earn an unexpected hug from your partner? Because you did nothing to earn these things or to deserve them, does that make them any less valuable to you?
Your beliefs show up as your reoccurring thoughts. Those trigger your emotions that lead to your actions. And all of it culminates in your life’s experiences which determine the quality of your life. If you’re not happy with the quality of your life then change it where it all begins; your beliefs. What are beliefs…simply thoughts, usually given to you when you were young by someone else, which you accepted as the truth.
Maybe those beliefs were true for the times and circumstances. Thinking that the boogey man was in the closet (or worse, drooling under the bed) kept you from wandering around the house in the dark and getting hurt. But hiding under your covers when it’s time to get up for work, just because the boogey man is now your boss, isn’t helping things! So what do you do?
Follow our 4 steps for transformation:
1. Reveal the belief that’s causing the challenges. Many people try to think positive and chant affirmations to up-level their life. While those can help, it’s usually a short term fix. Let’s face it; poop with whip cream on it is still poop underneath. Get to the cause and quit treating only the symptoms.
2. Release the emotions surrounding the belief. Emotions are the energy that powers our actions. Ever meet a drama queen and wonder why they strive to struggle? They can have a belief that this is how they get a rush out of life (and attention). Then their negative emotions keep the belief operating in their life which dominoes down into their crisis creating actions. Time to strive for success which leads us to…
3. Relearn how to be, do and have. The great thing about habits, patterns and behaviors is that they are learned. This means they can be relearned. It’s not enough just to stop a bad habit; you must choose its positive replacement. If you don’t choose, your mind picks for you and chooses a habit comparable to the bad one you just released. Case in point, smokers quitting and turning to overeating. Now, how to keep with your re-learning program until it becomes a part of you?
4. Rejoice in your new actions. You can set yourself up for failure by thinking the achievement of your goal is the reward. Nope! That is simply your end result. To keep motivated, moving and inspired, you need to reward yourself along the journey. Think of it as a paycheck where you pay yourself off (ok, bribe works too) for your new behavior. Do this until your actions become part of your identity which is usually 3-4 months.
We learned the 4 R’s in school: reading, writing, ‘rithmatic and recess. Now it’s time to use these 4 R’s; (Reveal, Release, Relearn, and Rejoice) to pass life’s tests!
Supporting Your Success,
PS Tired of reading articles like this but not getting the results you want? Then join me for the in-depth course “Stop the Self Sabotage, Discover What You Really Want and Create the Life You Desire”. You will learn in-depth how to improve any area of your life with: Reveal, Release, Relearn and Rejoice. Click here for details: