5 Ways to Invest in Your Relationship

One of the most important things to assess in within couples relationship is the state of the emotional bank account.  John Gottman’s research shows every time you turn towards your partner with warmth, follow through on your agreements, share affection, appreciation, and gratitude, and create positive future plans you are making a small investment in this account.  You can also make withdrawals and overdraft the account by doing the opposite.

Having a positive balance in the account can provide sustenance during crisis and help couples through times of repair.  It creates the possibility of long-term sustainability.

Couples who are successful make tiny investments in their relationships frequently.  Satisfied long-term partners will turn toward one another with affection, gratitude, and appreciation in both verbal and nonverbal ways up to hundreds of times per hour.

This is even true of non-romantic partnerships.  Family members, and friends who who attend to relationships regularly in thoughtful ways are better equipped to build long lasting relationships.  Even business partners who tune in to the importance of relationships will have greater success in negotiating contracts and meetings.  These folks stick together with greater loyalty and trust.

So how can you invest in your relationships?  Here are five simple tips:

1.  Have daily positive/warm contact.

It’s amazing how little time we actually spend with our partner each week.  Think about it, you’re at work over forty hours, plus commute time, you work out, or watch TV and then its time for bed.  Carve out 30 quality minutes to spend with your sweetheart each day (away from electronic devices) and I promise you will notice a difference.

2.  Share appreciation and gratitude often.

Over time we forget to say those sweet things to our loved ones.  This is a problem because we stop noticing all those wonderful things, and our partner stops hearing about them.  Make sure that once a day you are making an investment in your relationship bank account by sharing something you appreciate about your partner.  Think about it as a vitamin for your relationship’s health.

3.  Notice the attempts your partner makes for your attention and clearly state your attempts for theirs.

John Gottman (the most respected relationship researcher out there) talks A LOT about the importance of bids in relationships.  Bids are the times we ask for attention from our partner.  Successful couples notice bids, and more often than not, they respond warmly to their partner.  Missing bids can quickly get you into shaky territory.   You don’t have to go along with everything your partner says, but it helps to notice all the ways they reach out to you (eye contact, affection, requests for help, invitations etc) and respond with care.

4.  Give the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes when we are together for a while we start building resentments in relationships.  These can snowball if you don’t stop them quickly.  Trust your partner’s best intentions.  When in question, ask for clarification, “Honey, you’re just asking if I am wearing this so we don’t accidentally dress as twins- not because you think it looks bad, right?”

5.  State your shared mission/meaning/values regularly. 

It’s important to have a shared goal on the horizon and values guiding your decisions.  This doesn’t mean you always agree, but that you have a shared sense of meaning to help guide your collaborative process.  Set some dates for the future and talk openly about how much you look forward to them (not just a wedding, think about travel or shared celebrations).   Talk with your sweetheart about the things that add meaning to your life and shared time.

Share small business news, blogs and social media tips with Project Eve’s community of small business owners and entrepreneurs today. Our contributors come from a wide range of backgrounds; so whether you are a small business owner, social media strategist, financial adviser, serial entrepreneur, or write an amateur blog we urge you to contribute a blog to our 500,000+ community today. For more information, please refer to our Content Submissions Guidelines.

Add a Blog


  1. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added”
    checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment.
    Is there any way you can remove me from that service?

    Bless you!

  2. Just wish to say your article is as surprising. The clarity in your
    post is simply cool and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.

    Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to
    keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.

  3. Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering
    if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything
    you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  4. Excellent blog here! Also your site loads up fast! What
    web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate
    link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  5. Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

  6. After study just a few of the weblog posts in your website now, and I actually like your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site record and will probably be checking again soon. Pls try my website as nicely and let me know what you think.

  7. A large percentage of of the things you state happens to be astonishingly appropriate and that makes me ponder the reason why I had not looked at this with this light before. This particular article truly did switch the light on for me personally as far as this specific topic goes. Nevertheless at this time there is 1 factor I am not really too cozy with so while I attempt to reconcile that with the actual main idea of the position, permit me observe exactly what the rest of the readers have to point out.Very well done.

  8. When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get four emails with the identical comment. Is there any means you possibly can remove me from that service? Thanks!

  9. Great post. I used to be checking constantly this weblog and I’m impressed! Extremely useful information specifically the remaining part :) I take care of such info a lot. I used to be looking for this particular info for a very lengthy time. Thanks and best of luck.

  10. I like the valuable info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  11. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

  12. I am no longer certain where you are getting your information, however great topic. I must spend a while finding out more or working out more. Thank you for wonderful information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  13. It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest you some interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about it!

  14. Hi there, I found your blog via Google whilst searching for a comparable subject, your web site got here up, it appears great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  15. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the information you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, excellent site!

  16. I’m not sure why but this site is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  17. I wanted to create you a little note to help give thanks over again for your personal pretty principles you’ve provided here. It is so open-handed with people like you to grant openly all a few individuals could have marketed as an e-book to generate some bucks on their own, certainly now that you could possibly have done it if you ever considered necessary. These points as well worked to become a great way to fully grasp other people online have similar interest like my personal own to find out somewhat more on the subject of this problem. Certainly there are numerous more pleasurable times in the future for individuals that examine your website.

  18. hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise several technical points using this web site, since I experienced to reload the web site lots of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot more of your respective exciting content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

  19. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  20. Great work! That is the type of info that are supposed to be shared across the net. Disgrace on Google for no longer positioning this post higher! Come on over and talk over with my web site . Thanks =)

  21. I am typically to blogging and i actually appreciate your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your web site and hold checking for brand new information.

  22. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I must spend a while finding out much more or figuring out more. Thanks for magnificent information I used to be on the lookout for this information for my mission.

  23. Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?

    My weblog looks weird when browsing from my iphone 4.
    I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might
    be able to resolve this problem. If you have any recommendations, please share.

  24. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your weblog.
    You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off,
    I’d love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please blast me an email if interested. Many thanks!

  25. Howdy! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Thank you!

  26. You have made some good points there. I checked on the net to find out more about the
    issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
    natalielise plenty of fish

  27. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your post seem to be running off the screen in Chrome. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the problem solved soon. Thanks

  28. I think this is one of the most important info for me. And i’m glad reading your article.
    But want to remark on some general things, The web site style
    is perfect, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

  29. I’m usually to blogging and i actually respect your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and maintain checking for new information.

  30. I’m really loving the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility issues? A handful of my blog readers have complained about my website not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any ideas to help fix this issue?

  31. Simply wish to say your article is as astounding. The clarity to your post is just spectacular and that
    i can think you’re an expert in this subject.
    Well along with your permission let me to
    seize your feed to stay updated with impending post.
    Thanks 1,000,000 and please keep up the gratifying work.

  32. Neat blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your theme. Thank you

  33. I have been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or blog posts on this sort of area . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this website. Reading this info So i am happy to convey that I’ve an incredibly good uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed. I most certainly will make certain to do not forget this website and give it a look regularly.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here