Happy Judgement Week everyone,
I am beyond shocked and disappointed by all of the judgement I’ve been reading this week, on facebook, and in some of the articles I’ve seen. I would normally post the links, but honestly I don’t want to further promote negativity. This post is not to judge the judgers. I’m just going to vent a little about how sad I am for the world and how worried I am for my teenaged daughter.
Have I been living in a cave? Did I just come out of a very long coma? Is it because I’m turning 35 next week and the magic rose colored glasses are wearing off? When did we all start hating each other so much? Why has motherhood become just another thing to compete with my sisters about?
Being a mother is stressful enough. The pressures I put on myself on the daily to be “perfect” are anxiety provoking. Personally, what I need from you is support, not condemnation, judgement, or hatred. If you cannot offer me any of these things when I’m struggling, please just don’t say anything.
What is fueling this? Is it fear of our own inadequacies that is driving all of this hate? Are we only to have empathy for others if their problem doesn’t make us uncomfortable? If the ailment triggers a negative reaction, should it be okay to make it worse? Is it no longer our responsibility as human beings to offer a hand and/or assistance because we may not like someone or something they’ve said? I don’t get it.
I understand that we’re not going to achieve world peace here, but it’s unclear to me what might motivate someone to kick another while they’re down. Am I naive? Aren’t we all, Shouldn’t we all be in this together? There are enough things to worry about as a mother. There are legitimate threats all around us where our children are concerned and we should be banding together, to support each other, no? If I tell you that I’m struggling, and you can’t help me, don’t you know someone that might? If you don’t agree with a decision I’ve made, can’t you just trust that it was the right one for me?
Aren’t we at the end of the day all just doing the best we can with what we have? We all have fear and deal with it in different ways. Your way might not work for me and vice versa, but it doesn’t mean that either way is wrong. If you have the guts to tell me your truth, I may not always know immediately what to say, but I can promise you that when I respond it will not be with contempt. I may not like you, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to disrespect you or the way you live your life.
Also, let’s be clear about the fact that our children are watching. They are listening when we mock people that don’t do or say what we want them to. We are teaching them to be closed minded, and that it’s acceptable to treat people poorly if they don’t conform to our ways of thinking. We’re raising bullies, and/or kids who are afraid to death to be honest about how they really feel because they’ll be judged, by us and by others.
It’s bad enough the pressures in magazines, on television, and pretty much everywhere our kids turn. There are sexual pressures, and pressures to fit in. There is pressure to be skinny, smart, and beautiful. There is pressure to be tough, and popular, and desired. What’s worse is the suffocating pressure to be the -est of these things. I worry about my daughter until I’m sick because I am not powerful enough to combat those voices by myself. I cannot be louder than facebook, twitter, MTV, etc. We could be though, all of us together. We could be louder than all of these things, and maybe even fix some of the damage that’s been done. But only if we stop fighting each other!
Do I often bathe in sarcasm? Sure, but I try not to use it as a weapon and, more importantly, I am aware of when I should just be quiet (for the most part).
I am so sorry that some of you have been spoken to as if your feelings don’t matter. I wish I could be louder than all of that noise too. Just know that you are not alone and be comforted by the fact that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Sadly, lashing back at the judgement with more judgement won’t help. It will only serve to feed the negativity and create more drama. The people passing judgement need our help too. There is a reason that people judge and we really need to stop pouring salt in each other’s wounds. Doesn’t anyone hug it out anymore?
Anyway, Happy Judgement Week to all, it is my hope that next week we can all celebrate “Live and Let Live Week” or “If You Need Anything, I’m Here For You Week”, but I’m sure that’s a stretch.
In closing, I just wanted to confess (in case you don’t read my blog), that I am a perfectly imperfect mother!!!!! I make mistakes regularly and that is how I learn. If I stop learning, I stop growing. If my growth is stunted, I cannot be the kind of mother I want to be. You can help. If you can identify with anything I’ve said here, please try to be kind to the next parent, or person that may be struggling and perhaps they will pay it forward. I heard somewhere that negative comments stay with us twice as long as positive ones so we’ve got our work cut out. We have to be twice as positive to every negative. READY? SET, GO.