In my line of work when you ask a client “What is that you would like to achieve in these sessions” One of their goals will always be the old chestnut of “ I just want to be happy”. Experience has now taught me that happiness is more a way of living rather than being an actual goal or destination. I believe many of us have been chasing the concept of happiness for years. But the second something goes wrong we land in Unhappy Village and begin to feel very resentful for it.
If what’s her name didn’t betray me and if Dufus didn’t leave me and take all my self-confidence away. Maybe if my mother just allowed me to finish my sentences, I wouldn’t find it so hard to bond with other women Blah Blah, Blah. The list goes on as to why we cannot find ourselves in this coveted euphoric destination we call Happiness. I have discovered that the recipe for happiness is not your traditional recipe, I have seen all too often how wrong things can go when we begin to think that someone else’s ingredients for happiness are the same as our own. We find ourselves chasing material objects, land, men and the odd pair of label stilettos then find ourselves depressed & regretful when our credit card statements arrive and we realise that none of the above have soothed our black hole of loneliness and it’s not fair mantras.
I have discovered that every single thing that we need to keep us happy, rain or shine is right here inside of us. Nobody can take it away it belongs to us alone. People can enhance it. They can even give you moments of happiness that will forever resound in your memory banks. But they can’t take your happiness away! Because like me your ingredients for happiness should be of an internal nature.
External sources of happiness are a way of life, shopping sprees and spa days are perfect. Sharing a secret with a dear friend and letting her know you will have to kill her if she repeats it or being swept off your feet by your significant other are all amazing reflections of happiness. The secret is to maintain that feeling when none of these things are happening. The secret to your happiness resides in your meanwhile moments when your career is looking bleak and you are not where you want to be, but not where you used to be either. You have no man or the man you have isn’t the man you want right now and you can’t afford to get your hair done because your rent/mortgage is more than past due! The love of your life has walked out that door and forever has become never.
It is in our darkest hour that we discover what we are really made of. It is in our moments of deepest grief & sorrow that the ingredients for the life we desire are cultivated, cooked, browned and matured. The fabulous thing is that once we have the formula for our recipe of Joy we can begin to finally enjoy the fruits of our labor. We can share our recipe with others and we can improve the recipe every time we cook it up. It can only get better as the makings of you mature, cook and bubble in the oven of life.
So today put your happy face on and allow the oven of life to cook you up a treat. Start small if you have to bake life cookies of gratitude and love then move on to brunch bites of reflection and understanding. Before you know it, you will be serving gourmet menus of wisdom; laughter and you may even feel comfortable sharing a plate of that joy with those around you.
Get in that kitchen of life and make it happen, No other life chef can cook your dish quite like you can.
Jay is the author of the upcoming series The Diva Commandments. A set of 12 books detailing twelve vibrant commandments to ensure every woman is able to live a life of Diva. Jay is also a freelance writer, poet & social entrepreneur.