I was speaking with my sister-in-law recently about travel plans I’m making with my nieces and nephews. She asked if I would being staying on after they flew home like I did the last time we all went somewhere together. After a short pause I responded to her question with a “no, I like leaving when they leave”. I went on to explain to her my feelings about being left.
I am learning something about myself that was reinforced on that last trip. I don’t like being ‘left’. I would much rather do the leaving than be the one left behind.
I remember back in university, my Dad, who was on the Board of my alma mater Wilfrid Laurier, used to come out to the school for meetings. Afterwards, he would take me to lunch or dinner before he made the hour long journey home. Funny, an hour seemed like a really long time in those days. Anyway, regardless of how well adjusted I was at school; I had plenty of friends, played varsity sports and was dating the captain of the football team…just sayin’; despite all that, the moment that my Dad left for home always left me feeling sad.
If I go back to when I was little, my Mom and I would spend summers at our cottage. My Dad would come up on weekends after work. I was always excited to see him and again always sad when he left on Sunday night.
As the youngest of five, and seven years the junior to my next sibling, I was being ‘left’ a lot as a kid. My brothers went to boarding school so their visits home were always fleeting. All four of my siblings went on to university while I was still in grade school. They didn’t actually leave me they just went on with their lives as they should. My parents also enjoyed life. They would go on week-long holidays and I remained behind with the sitter.
I don’t want you to get the impression that I felt abandoned or unloved in anyway, quite the contrary. I had a spectacular childhood. I guess I am just realizing now, as I’m writing this, why I would prefer to leave with everyone or ahead of them. Somehow it means that I have other important things to do. That my life is trucking on. I’m not just ‘left behind’ while others get on with their fantastic lives.
Interesting revelation about myself. I love that about life, we get to constantly learn about ourselves.
What is your most recent revelation about what makes you tick?
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