Optimized Online Dating: The One Thing You Need to Know

“I’m just gonna put something up on Match and see what happens,” my friend Paula announced with a shrug of her shoulders.

Paula and I had met for coffee to catch up with one another on work, kids, and (of course) men. Paula had been divorced for a little over a year, and throughout her separation and divorce we’d gotten together frequently to talk about the ups and downs of starting over.

In the months after leaving her husband of 15 years, 43-year-old Paula had racked up a breathtaking list of accomplishments. She had found a new residence, negotiated the rent down, dumpster-dived for furniture (which she transformed into magazine-worthy “shabby chic”), and persuaded her boss to promote her to full partnership in the business she’d helped him launch and grow.

She had in that year also played the role of medical advocate when her daughter was diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder—seeking one opinion after another until she found a specialist who cured her daughter through a new, non-invasive procedure.

Oh, and throughout all of that change and stress, Paula had maintained a regular schedule of getting to the gym by 5:30 a.m.

“Ripped abs and buff shoulders just make me feel pretty,” she was fond of telling me. As if a couple hundred crunches and pull-ups before dawn were sort of the equivalent of getting a spa pedicure.

In short, my dynamic friend never stopped creating, planning, persuading, bargaining, marketing, exercising, and advocating. Even when life was at its most challenging. And she certainly did not leave important aspects of work, home, parenting, or health to chance.

This was the same woman who was telling me she’d just…sorta…put herself on Match and wait around twiddling her thumbs until something happened?

The question nagged at me. Why would Paula, who was light-years ahead of me in overall assertiveness, take such an anemic approach to dating?

So, the next time we got together, I asked her.

She grew thoughtful.

“I’m best at meeting people in person,” she said. “So every so often I try the bar scene after work. Only problem is, most of the men around me seem to be waiting for their online dates to show up.”

Her answer surprised me. I had, by that time, done a lot of online dating—but I had never actually given much thought to how sites like Match and OKCupid might be changing the culture of dating.

“Oh, slight correction,” she added with a wry smile. “I am sometimes approached by men who are not out to meet up with their Match date. Typically, they have indentations on their ring fingers where a wedding ring must have been just minutes before.”

I laughed, imagining my laser-focused friend zooming in on the telltale ring imprint as the philanderer sidling up to her took a swig of his scotch.

“Well, if you want help writing your dating profile, let me know.”

“Gina. If I thought anyone was going to actually read it, I might take you up on that.” She gave me a quick hug, grabbed her purse, and prepared to head off to her next appointment.

Does my friend Paula’s story sound familiar to you? It seems to me that the majority of single and divorced women I know–chicas who have taken charge of virtually every other aspect of their lives–feel flummoxed by online dating. And so, typically, they slap up sort of a wilted, cliche-ridden profile on Match–and then hang back with a wait-and-see attitude.

And then the real boredom and time-wasting begin–when these glorious gals start to meet up with the droopy dogs who respond.

I started a blog, Cupid’sLaboratory.com, to help the Paulas of the world take charge of the whole complex “enterprise” of online dating. Captivating women should have an equally captivating presence online. And it all begins, I believe, with crafting a riveting profile. The more fascinating the profile, the more responses it’ll get. And the more responses flowing into the inbox, the more GOOD ones will be among them.

It’s a numbers game–pure and simple.

And thus, in the face of cutthroat competition, the droopy dogs and the dullards of the date-iverse get screened out. In one decisive CLICK of a diva’s delete key.

Do you have questions about how to optimize the experience of online dating? Ask away. I’m all ears.


  1. 895694 628365Excellent humans speeches and toasts, possibly toasts. are hands down transferred at some time via party and expected to turn into very funny, amusing not to mention educational within the mean time. finest man wedding speeches 204272

  2. 54533 808177Most valuable human beings toasts need to amuse and present give about the couple. Beginner audio systems previous to obnoxious throngs would be wise to remember often the valuable signal employing grow to be, which is to be an individuals home. greatest man speech examples 22969

  3. 28083 968610An attention-grabbing dialogue is value comment. Im confident that its far better to write on this topic, towards the often be a taboo topic but typically persons are not sufficient to speak on such topics. To yet another location. Cheers 120437

  4. 879851 814471This Los angeles Weight Loss diet happens to be an low and flexible going on a diet application meant for usually trying to drop the weight as effectively within the have a considerably healthier lifetime. shed weight 234183

  5. 703851 669981Speedily and easily build your internet traffic and PR, which provides Internet internet site visitors to add your page to any social bookmarking site. 289617

  6. 362157 43409Safest the world toasts are produced to captivate and also faithfulness to your wedding couple. Beginner sound system watching high decibel locations would be wise to always remember some sort of vital secret developed by presentation, which is your auto. best man speeches funny 187760

  7. Howdy I am so delighted I found your web site, I really found you by accident, while I was searching on Askjeeve for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a marvelous post and a
    all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also
    added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read
    more, Please do keep up the great job.

  8. I’ve learn several excellent stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting.
    I surprise how much attempt you put to make such a fantastic informative site.

  9. 161495 33369Terrific paintings! That may be the type of data that are meant to be shared around the net. Shame on the seek for no longer positioning this publish higher! Come on over and consult with my website . Thank you =) 101229

  10. Thanks for expressing your ideas. A very important factor is that pupils have an alternative between federal government student loan as well as a private student loan where it is easier to opt for student loan consolidating debts than through the federal student loan.

  11. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

  12. Together with the whole thing which seems to be building throughout this specific subject material, your perspectives tend to be rather exciting. On the other hand, I beg your pardon, because I can not give credence to your whole strategy, all be it refreshing none the less. It looks to us that your remarks are actually not completely justified and in reality you are yourself not totally certain of your assertion. In any case I did take pleasure in looking at it.

  13. Hi there I am from Australia, this time I am viewing this cooking related video at this site, I am genuinely happy and learning more from it. Thanks for sharing.

  14. That is a very good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Brief but very accurate info… Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!

  15. 31168 819717Sorry for the huge review, but Im actually loving the new Zune, and hope this, as properly as the outstanding reviews some other folks have written, will assist you decide if its the proper choice for you. 148645

  16. You could certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  17. I like what you guys are doing. Such smart work and reporting! Carry on with the excellent works guys. I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my website. :)

  18. Hello, you used to write fantastic posts, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great posts. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track!

  19. you are truly a good webmaster. The website loading speed is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a fantastic process on this topic!

  20. 596570 129588Often the Are normally Weight reduction program is unquestionably an low-priced and flexible weight-reduction program product modeled on individuals seeking out shed some pounds combined with at some point maintain a far healthier your life. la weight loss 874506


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here