Do you ever just ‘settle’?
I’m not talking accepting tomato sauce when you really wanted BBQ sauce. I am talking significant settling.
Have you ever said any of the following (or similar) to yourself?
”I couldn’t start a new career at my age/with young kids/with my
”I’ve never had any self confidence, that’s just how I am”
”If I leave this relationship, I’ll never meet anyone else”
”I’ve always struggled with my weight, it’s never going to change”
”Some people are lucky, I’m just not”
This is fear. Hideous, self-sabotaging fear, manifesting in the form of excuses. Sometimes we are very conscious that we use these excuses (and we all use them at some point in our lives) and other times, we really aren’t aware we are doing this. All you know is that you don’t feel truly happy, you feel frustrated that your life isn’t going how you want. You crave change but you can’t even imagine how that would happen.
If you allow yourself to settle; whether with career, relationships, goals or other areas of your life, you will be left feeling unsatisfied. This dissatisfaction leads to a futher decline in self-confidence and perpetuates the fear. It’s not all grim. There are some techniques you can use to overcome the fear and self-sabotaging.
Determine your career goals
To ensure you are minimising fear and maximising success, your goals should be aligned with your beliefs and passions. What are you excited about? What are you good at? What can you do for others?
Be clear about your needs in relationships (romantic, colleagues and friendships)
When you have a clear idea of your needs, they are more likely to be met. Sure, you can’t make people cater to your every whim. You wouldn’t want to do this either, as they wouldn’t be authentic interactions. The difference between knowing your needs (and expectations) and not, is boundaries. If you refuse to settle for being treated rudely, then you will not draw that negativity so freely into your life. You draw in what you project.
Envision how you want to feel and undergo the steps necessary to make this a reality
How can you create success if you feel useless? How can you empower others if you feel disempowered? Give yourself praise, find your talents, work on your shortcomings, have gratitude and help others find strength.
Luck doesn’t happen to people. People work to achieve their goals. Even someone who wins lotto has to get dressed, drive to the newsagent, purchase a ticket, select numbers and check their ticket after the numbers are drawn. They didn’t win without at least some effort.
If you are feeling unfulfilled or dissatisfied, you are worth the effort it takes to make the changes.
Jacqueline Potter, BSc (Psych) is Psychotherapist who began her own business, Avidity Association to help empower women and girls love who they are and love the lives they live.