Top Ten Tips for Women in Business Series – Tip Four

10 tipsTip Four – Get out of your own way

I want you to ask you a question. Have you ever suffered from the ‘poor me’ mind set?

At any point in your life have you asked yourself:

“Why is this happening to me?”
“What have I done to deserve this?”
“Why does all the bad stuff come my way?”

Well, guess what? We get what we ask for! A tough line for me to take, you may well be thinking. But, I am speaking from experience. For years I suffered with the ‘poor me’ mind set, assuming that everything was always someone else’s fault, and taking no ownership or responsibility. In fact, most people go through their whole life in that place. It’s exhausting!

It was at the downfall of yet another ‘bad’ relationship when I was wallowing in the mire of the martyr and berating the fact that there were no good men out there, and saying to myself, “There must be something that all these men have in common, why do I keep attracting the same type?”

Then it occurred to me, what they all had in common was me! The whole time I was radiating out the energy of negativity and projecting to the opposite sex my inner beliefs about myself, I was continuing the trend of attracting men who responded to that energy and treated me in the way my deep inner self believed I deserved. It wasn’t completely their fault.

It was only once I ‘got out of my own way’ stopped the ‘poor me’ mind set and finished blaming everyone else, did my energy shift. I was then able to look at my deep seated self beliefs, work on changing them to positive internal messages, radiate out a completely different energy and attract totally different people into my life as a result.

The key to this is that I realised the only person I am truly responsible for in this life is me. Once I had accepted that responsibility and I started to treat myself with compassion, respect and love, could I truly step into the world with the deep knowing that I deserved the best from others. If we don’t treat ourselves well, how can we expect other people to treat us well? They are simply reacting to the invisible messages we are giving them.

I take my clients through an energy giver and energy drainer exercise. Why don’t you do that for yourself now?

Write down all the things, people, situations and events that drain you of your energy.

Then write down all the things, people, situations and events that give you energy.

Probably neither list is completely accurate. The things, people, situations and events on both lists really don’t give or drain you of your energy. What drains or gives you energy is your reaction to them. And our reactions are the very things we are in control of. So many people, during the course of a day, will give their energy away to things, people, situations and events over which they have no control. So, when they finally sink into bed at night, a great part of themselves has been scattered all over town. So, just ask yourself, “How much of myself do I give away during the day?”

When you go to bed at night, remember to call back all the parts of yourself and your energy that you have given away, make sure that when you sleep and recharge, you are recharging all of you.

Try not to allow external factors to dissipate your being. We all react, that’s only human. The key is to not allow that reaction to dictate the rest of your day. Allow yourself to react in a way that is appropriate, then return to your equilibrium as quickly as you can, recalling any part of you that has temporarily gone AWOL.

Another key to how you can ‘get out of your own way’ is to ask yourself if you have a fear of failure, or a fear of success.

Most people would naturally assume that a fear of failure is the one that would have the biggest impact. But, actually, a fear of success can be more debilitating and paralyzing. If we are successful, we are, by default, making ourselves visible. That visibility can be the one thing that will stop brilliantly talented people from being all they can be.

So, be really honest with yourself. Do you have either fear? And, if so, where does that fear come from? What is at the root of this apprehension of failure or success? If appropriate, go back to Tip Two and relook at your head tapes. Are you carrying anything around from your past that is influencing your fear of failure or success? What can you do to overcome and change these and move past the blocks?

Remember, the only person who will really get in your way is you. Do everything you need to do to move past your own blocks and shrug away the self imposed limitations so you can step into your spotlight and shine.

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