Top Ten Tips for Women in Business Series: Tip Two


Every morning when you awake, you are likely to have a ‘start’ button that you press which will commence all the internal messages you give yourself during the course of the day, until you go to sleep that night and press the ‘stop’ button.

Are you consciously aware of what these messages are, where they came from and how they may be impacting on your life?

Most of the messages that people give themselves will have originated in some way from their childhood. They will come from throw away comments made by anyone in a child’s life, be that a parent, a sibling, a relative, a teacher, a classmate, a friend. On the surface, many of these comments may appear harmless, but dependant on their context, they may also be very damaging.

When I’ve asked people on my training courses to identify some of their internal messages, the answers are usually from deeply buried comments received many years before.

Some of the messages you give yourself can be innocuous and fairly benign, however others may be rather more damaging and potentially serious. Your head tapes will relate directly to your beliefs about yourself. These beliefs are likely to influence your view of your value as a woman in the world and therefore may have an impact on the energy with which you greet the world every day.

The people we meet on a daily basis, however well or not we know them, will respond to us dependant upon the messages we give them. Some of these messages will originate from our beliefs about ‘us’. If you go through life with any lack of self belief, the chances are you will project that energetically to everyone you come into contact with when that particular situation arises. Therefore, the people around you at the time, will believe what you are energetically telling them – why wouldn’t they?

After all, we all know ourselves better than anyone else, so if we are telling someone with our body language and attitude that we not capable, who are they to disagree?

Of course, it may well be that the only messages you give yourself are positive ones, which is completely fabulous. However, if you think that at some moments in your life, you run the risk of giving yourself any negative messages, then the following exercise may help you start to identify them and change them.

The first thing to recognise is that our conscious mind only operates about 20 per cent of who we are. Our unconscious mind is responsible for the remaining 80 per cent. It is our unconscious mind that will store all the messages received from other people over the years and file them away for future reference when needed. Our unconscious mind always wants to work on our behalf, so is very open to having any negative messages deleted and replaced with positive ones!

Get a sheet of paper and sit quietly for about half an hour when you know you won’t be disturbed or interrupted – switch off phones and computers etc if you can.

Head the sheet of paper with : My negative messages

Then quieten the conscious mind and allow the unconscious to bubble up with the answers. Whatever comes into your mind, just write it down without judgement or censor. When you think you’ve finished, just ask yourself, “What else?”. Keep asking yourself that question until you really believe you have written down all the messages you can think of at that time.

Then look at them, again without judgement or censor, and ask yourself:

Where did these come from?

Were they true when I first heard them, and if not, then are they true today?

Are there any I really believe to be my truth today?

Do I want to keep any of them?

Do I want to change any of them?

Does anyone I know hold any of these messages about themselves?

Then get a red pen and strike a line through any of the messages you would like to eradicate from your unconscious.

Get another sheet of paper, and with brightly coloured pens, write out the new beliefs you have about yourself. Keep these with you and read every day, particularly before you leave your home every morning.

To firmly embed these new messages into your unconscious, choose one to start with, the most important message for you to have as your belief, and do the following exercise:

 Repeat it to yourself seven times a day for twenty one days

This will create a new neural pathway in the brain and this message will become your deeply held belief. You have to do the twenty one days consecutively though, if you forget a day, then you need to start again – sorry!

Tip: Start on the 1st of the month, then it’s easy to remember where you are

You don’t have to say the message out loud, in your head will be just as powerful, and you can spread the seven times throughout the day, or they can be consecutive – while you’re having your morning shower for example.

Remember: when you arrived on this planet as a baby, you didn’t hold any beliefs about yourself. So any beliefs you have today you have simply acquired as you’ve gone through your life. If you hold any beliefs that are not fully supportive of you as a wonderful woman in the world, then I urge you to bring them to the surface of your conscious mind, delete them with the knowledge that they do not represent who you really are, and replace them with affirmative statements that do support you as a wonderful woman in the world.

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