I would much rather live a life full of “oh well” than a life full of “what if“…. – Pat Flynn
I have been searching for the cause of my “sickness” for quite a long time now and it is quite possible I may well know where this whole thing started.
Although, you should focus on the solution, there has been this need to know why.
Now that I have a likely source, I thought it would calm my mind, but oddly, I found myself wondering instead what if?
Taking a step back a little, it is possible that the beginning of my issues began with the Epstein Barr Virus (or Glandular Fever). I had no idea I had it at the time and only found out after the fact.
These type of viruses apparently express themselves differently in different hosts and there is ongoing investigation as to whether they may be the possible cause for neurological diseases, depressive illnesses, diabetes and autoimmune diseases.
EBV has also been associated with a “chronic syndrome” which is characterized by a list of symptoms that could only be described as my life over the past 15 years.
When I started to learn more about EBV and how it had affected many other lives, things started to make sense.
It was a glorious moment. A possible cause for these years of ongoing illness.
After this revelation, what I didn’t expect though was the flurry of “what if?” questions.
What if I had of been diagnosed at the time, (knowing that I wasn’t a hypochondriac) would I have developed depression and anxiety? What if I had been treated for the virus, would I have gone on to develop chronic symptoms? What if this could have all been nipped in the bud, would I be a successful high flyer?
I had to snap out of it, because you know what? You can drive yourself mad with these questions!
The fact is, it did happen. The fact is it wasn’t diagnosed. The fact is, if it is indeed the cause, knowing this does not make the last 15 years go away – it is merely nice to know.
The fact is, I need to focus on the future and getting past it.
Do you ever find yourself falling in to the trap of playing out “what if” scenarios in your head?
Till next time….
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